Continuing on a little bit from the description from my "Morning Mane Madness" sketch I made shortly ago, I have been looking at myself a lot lately. I keep thinking I'm really a mediocre artist trying too hard, or just never good enough to show I can be well-versed or even of the 'popular' type. But as I look at others' mindblowing artworks, I seem to forget... time and time again...
--of my own--
--artworks, things that I was proud of and worked truly hard on and loved each one, whether success or failure. Whether they were wholly unique or a concept done many a time before but with my own twist on it... I remember all the agony I put myself through and the joy I realized being proud of how hard I tried on them! Sure, they might not look any special to you or for anyone else, but to me they are cornerstones of me learning and improving, and they mean so much more. That, and I DREW these monstrosities by hand before working on them more seriously ;w; It took a lot of dedication to show that I can be amazing all my own too, and sure I went through a LOT of heavy and even low blow bumps as well, but I still pulled through even if it resulted in a horridly rough resolution.
Maybe... my self-confidence is my greatest enemy more than anything else: why it causes my envy or jealous streaks, why it depresses me and even saddens me to think I'm never going to be anything as far as creative or artistic. Looking back shows me I DO
have the potential, the skill and ability to really be something, but I'm always held back by myself because of so many what-ifs. I mean sure, there's the inarguable reasons like work, which gave me more hours and definitely tires me out heavily, but challenging my own self-worth seems to have grown so large that I myself am too weak to push it back, and when that happens, its just too big an obstacle to overcome alone, thus, it's essentially my crippling flaw, it always has and may continue to be: although, my girlfriend and eternally loved girlfriend Margo definitely helps, its still an uphill battle for myself.
If I had more strength, more united support to help show that I can do it, encouragement that is genuine, maybe I can push it back and finally shine as the special star I know I can be. That is all I truly want, opinions and encouragement ;w; Like I said, I know my love Margo significantly helped me much more, but I want to fully remove the insecure and confidence-broken self of mine... I don't know, maybe just a little encouragement or appreciation would help? ;3; A hello or something, I don't mind anything really! I'm not asking for anyone's money, I'm not asking for anyone to make me art... I'm not even trying to be demanding, or even making a half-butted attempt at it! I just ask that little tiny request is all... anything to show that people does care and wants to see more from me in the best way possible.
...but I'll hush now. I hope you all have a good day/night, and just know if no person ever says they care about you... I do.